


Noteworthy Past

by Cochrane



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: All OCs die, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cochrane/pseuds/Cochrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy started developing a plan to capture Happy the moment she entered the guild, just in case. Today was the day when she needed it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death Comes to Magnolia

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story about death and loss. I know that many readers don’t like to be surprised by that, nor the uncertainty and stress that comes with it. So let me rip off Douglas Adams by saying: All canon characters survive.
> 
> OCs, on the other hand, are going to die like it’s happy hour at the funeral home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A routine job becomes dangerous when first the client and then everyone they meet dies. As the body count rises, the strongest team must face a horrible possibility: Might one of them be a killer?

It was a perfectly ordinary day at the Fairy Tail guild hall, where the strongest team held a perfectly ordinary discussion with a client who proposed a perfectly ordinary mission, the kind that is often implied but never given any screentime. Or rather, it had been a perfectly ordinary day, right until the client had died.

“This is really weird,” said Natsu matter-of-factly, while poking the cold body. “Weird stuff with the client should happen two thirds through the mission, not right at the start.”

“Does that mean we can skip this mission?” said Happy excitedly. He had not been enthusiastic about the whole thing to begin with. “It was all just conspiracy theory nonsense.”

“Idiot cat!” shouted Erza and stomped on the ground. “Don’t you pay any attention at all? If a client tells us there is a weird story, then there always is a weird story, no exception.”

“Wish the same could be said for money,” said Lucy with a sigh. “Speaking of which, there won’t be any now, so I vote for skipping it, too.”

“What was the mission anyway?” asked Gray. Neither he nor Natsu had paid any attention to the detailed and long-winded explanation the client had given them. They had been too busy arguing about astronauts versus cavemen. “Oh, and come on, you agree with me, right? Astronauts can survive in the absolute cold of space. They have mastered temperature. How could anything stop them?”  


“Fire can stop anything, and you know who invented it? Cavemen!” shouted Natsu. “Anyway, I found his wallet. Apparently his name is Ulf Shiny. That’s one hell of a stupid name.”

“Of course it’s his name,” said Lucy. “He told us! Do you ever listen to what the plot is, or do you just stumble around hoping for someone to punch?”  


The dragon-slayer thought for a bit, then nodded. “It works really well.”

“The mission,” said Erza with a raised voice, “was to bring the people who to justice who killed all his friends.”

“Yay, friendship!” shouted Natsu and Happy simultaneously. Then they high-fived.

“Sounds easy enough, as long as they aren’t astronauts. Who is it and where are they?” asked Gray.

“They’re all dead already,” answered Lucy. “You remember the guild Leprechaun Horn?”

“Can’t say I do,” said Natsu. “Body part of a mythical animal? That’s a weird name.” He was about to go on, but Happy slapped him.

“Don’t you remember, Natsu? We were at the funeral! The dark guild Stahlnagel started a battle with them, and everyone who was there died! About six months before we met Lucy. I guess Ulfy—“ he pointed at the body “—wasn’t there at the time.”

“Oh,” said Natsu. “To be honest, all my memories before meeting Lucy are kind of a blur.”

Lucy groaned. She could deal with Natsu flirting with her; hell, she might have even encouraged it. If only Natsu knew that he was flirting with her…

“It was my greatest failure,” said Erza. “I never even knew about it until two days later. Also, I had never met either guild before. If only I had been stronger…”

“Nice story and all, but what about that?” said Gray, pointing at the body. “He just died right here in the guild. That’s kind of creepy. Should we, I don’t know, call the police or something?”

“That’s where Wendy and Charle went,” said Erza solemnly. “It’s kind of ironic. He did say that it was all a conspiracy, and that he was afraid someone might kill him for exposing it, and then he dies right here, as if he was correct…” She thought about what she had just said for a bit. “No, actually that’s not ironic. It’s scary. Oh my god, a person died right in our guild! We could be next!”

“Come on, this was not some murder, it was a heart attack,” said Lucy. “Believe me, I’ve seen quite a few of these. None of you have anything to fear, and we should just drop the subject.”

“But… he was our friend, Lucy!” Natsu was full of rage. “I promise, we will find whoever did this, and we will make them pay! We will avenge Ulf Slimey!”

“It’s Ulf Shiny, you buffoon.” said Gray. “You don’t even know his name. That hardly qualifies as friendship. We knew him for maybe ten minutes. And he was an just an OC, nobody cares about those anyway!”

“Close enough for me,” said Natsu. “He said something about a conspiracy, right? Let’s find the people who were conspiring and beat them up until they become our friends! I’m all fired up!”

When he saw that nobody was joining, he became quieter and decided to try a different approach. “Look at it this way. If this was just a normal death, then this wouldn’t be a story, would it? But it totally is, so there is more to it. Maybe some slow-acting poison, or a tiny dart through the window, or a ninja… or a caveman ninja! Did he say anything about that?”

Lucy looked through her notes. “No, but he said just about anything else. Something about a grassy knoll… Zeref… false flags… Acnologia… birth certificates…”

Erza consulted her notes as well. “He did spend a lot of time talking about a mysterious new member to the guild, who appeared the day everyone died, and was not among the bodies and never seen again.”

“Maybe that new member was a ninja,” said Gray excitedly. “Or… an astronaut ninja!”

“You can’t have astronaut ninjas. Ninjas are mine. Make it an astronaut pirate!” said Natsu.

“Fine, an astronaut pirate then,” said Gray. “I think Natsu and Erza are right. There is something fishy going on here. It couldn’t hurt to at least take a look.”

“Yay!” said Happy, now suddenly wearing a deerstalker. “We’re all going to be detectives!”

* * *

The first week of investigation failed to uncover anything. The official cause of death was determined as “stopped being alive”. This was the cause of death for any mage in Fiore these days; the police had long ago decided that they couldn’t be bothered to care about these crazy people.

Fairy Tail did have access to Ulf Shiny’s personal papers, by virtue of nobody else wanting them. Not that it was any help. They were an unholy mess of irrelevant details about absolutely anything. Apparently he had been convinced that the death of his guild was linked to every single thing that happened in Magnolia both before and since.

* * *

The second week was barely any better. The friends of the deceased had long ago cut off all contact with him; he was too crazy and paranoid. Nobody could remember having seen a new guild member. The only new thing Fairy Tail’s strongest team uncovered was that Ulf had a long history of drinking, and was most likely drunk when he had died.

* * *

The third week, however, brought a change, as Erza walked into the guild with a book about half as tall as she was. Everyone gathered around as she put it down.

“This,” she said proudly, “is the official guild register of Leprechaun Horn. If there is a new member, he or she should be in here.”

“Wasn’t that guild register destroyed when Stahlnagel attacked?” asked Lucy suspiciously. Going after the guild’s paperwork had been her idea in the first place, but they hadn’t found anything.

“It was, but I got a copy. The original register was magically linked to this book. Everything that was written in the original appeared in here, to have a backup in case of fire and the like.”

“Oh, I heard about that”, said Gray. “Aren’t you supposed to keep this copy really far from the original?”  


“Exactly. Leprechaun Horn decided to store it… at the bottom of the ocean. Or maybe it was dropped. It’s hard to tell.”

“So what does it say?” asked Natsu. “I want some progression! We’ve been at this for years and I didn’t get to beat anyone up yet!”

“We’ll see right now… oh.” Erza opened the book, and was greated by a overflowing mess of text. Lines had been written sometimes at right angles, text had been squeezed between other text, the writing system varied and there were at least twenty colors used. From what they could make out on the text, it included everything. New members, alcohol bills, the odd game of tic-tac-toe, a simple proof for Goldbach’s conjecture and a laundry list.

“You know, this reminds me of our guild register,” said Natsu. “I never get why Mirajane is so upset when I draw dragons in there.”

“We have no chance here,” said Gray. “Why don’t we call it a night, and let Levi develop some spell for it in the morning?”

* * *

They agreed to do just that, and locked the book in the guild hall overnight. Around midnight, everyone went to sleep. Around one past midnight, someone shouted “Fire! At the Fairy Tails!”

The next morning showed only minor damage. It had only taken a few tables, a bench, some of the wood that was always on hand to repair the guild hall if necessary… and the guild register.

* * *

By the fourth week, the situation had become a lot more tense. Natsu and Lucy were convinced that it was just an accident; Lucy because she thought that nobody even knew the book was in the hall, and Natsu because he had experience with fire-based accidents. Erza and Gray were more skeptical.

They had a new lead, though. Susan Terbium was another mage of Leprechaun Horn who had survived thanks to being away when the attack happened. She had decided to rethink her life, and become a hermit on a lone mountaintop. But the memory still hurt her, and she had agreed to meet the people who wanted to solve her friends’s murder.

The path to the mountaintop was steep and narrow. Cold winds blew in their faces. Once, Lucy stumbled and would have almost certainly fallen to her death if Happy hadn’t caught her.

After three hours of climbing, they finally reached the tiny hut. The old mage was sitting in front of it, and as she saw them appear, she stood up and started walking down to meet them.

Susan had done the same thing thousands of time before, but for some reason, this time, she was a bit unsteady. One rock wasn’t quite where she expected it. Before anyone knew what happened, she had slipped, and fell down.

Happy rushed after her, but with the strong headwind, he was too late. She hit the ground several hundred meters below with a large crack.

After a few moments of shocked silence, it was Natsu who first spoke up.

“Wow, the author’s note at the top of this chapter really wasn’t kidding.”

“Okay, flamebrain, do you believe it now? Someone is working against us!” shouted Gray, barely audible over the storm. “Someone with the power to strike anywhere, no matter how cold, as if they could see what was happening from way above. Kind of like… a spaceman! A pirate spaceman!”

“Don’t be a stupid idiot, you stupid idiot!” shouted Natsu. “She slipped and fell. We saw it. There’s nothing weird about that.”

“Unless…” Erza began, then paused for a second. “How do I put this? Maybe it was done with magic.”

“Magic!?” Everyone gasped in horror. Then Happy spoke up. “No, wait, that’s how everyhting here works. Maybe it was… Zeref?”

“Zeref!?” Everyone gasped in horror as they pondered this evil. “…no, I don’t think so,” said Lucy. “The Book of Zeref, maybe. That thing definitely has something against us. But Zeref himself is okay.”

“Okay? He’s the most evil wizard who ever lived… according to the book of Zeref,” said Erza before she realized that this didn’t actually prove her point. “He killed some people, though! People who totally had it coming, sure, but I mean, how many people are allowed to kill people on Fairy Tail?”  


“Uh… your boyfriend?” said Happy innocently. Erza kicked him right into the stratosphere.

“Let’s be logical here,” said Natsu very unexpectedly. When was the last time he had tried that? “Nobody but us is up here on the mountain. Nobody but us knew about the book. So this cannot be someone working against us.”

“Are you saying one of us is a murderer?” asked Lucy indignantly. “Because that is totally not true! I never killed anyone in my life!”

“Uh… yeah, of course not,” said Natsu. “I mean, Lucy killing people? Yeah, I cannot imagine that at all. Hey, that’s really funny!”

He began laughing. Lucy wouldn’t have it, though, and slapped him.

“No need to be insulting! I am a Fairy Tail mage, I could kill people if I wanted to!”

“Erh… okay…” Damn, girls were complicated.

“I think we all have good intentions,” said Erza, trying to defuse the situation. She was just as surprised as Natsu about Lucy’s outbreak. But on the other hand, the stellar mage had a point: One of them being a killer? No, there must be other options.

“Maybe someone is spying on us magically”, she said. “Or they turned invisible. We just have to be careful.”

* * *

Yet another week had passed. Most of the team members were sitting at the breakfast table in a remote inn, when Gray came in with the morning newspaper, and told them to read it.

> # Railway bridge collapsed
> 
> The railway bridge over the nearby river has collapsed, killing one worker and injuring another. Officials say that this may be the direct result of sabotage by the killed worker.
> 
> The collapse happened at 12:32 pm. According to police reports, Raul Peterson (20) was seen at the bridge shortly before this time. Witnesses claim that he was deliberately removing the bolts that held the bridge together, screaming that they were defective and needed to be replaced. The collapse appears to be a result of the weakened structure. Peterson was found dead in the wreckage. Another worker sprained his ankle as he was fleeing the collapse.
> 
> The police are investigating in all directions. “So far, we are considering sabotage as the most likely cause, but maybe that guy was just really, really stupid.” said a spokeswoman. “I mean, seriously. He started to unscrew the bridge while he was still on it. Who does that?”
> 
> The bridge was built in 732, and was currently being renovated to allow heavier trains to pass it. Rail services will remain suspended for at least a month.

“Well, damn,” said Natsu. “Never knew Raul would go mad like that.”

“We only met him yesterday, though,” said Happy. “And we’ve met a lot of people lately who were mad or disoriented. And then they died. Wait, is that what you call a pattern?”

Gray nodded. “I held out hope that it was all a series of coincidences, but this is one bridge too far. Everytime we want to talk to someone, they die. And if it isn’t that, then something else weird happens and we have to start over, and that involves someone we met dying, too. Now without the bridge, we can’t get to that next witness before they sail away for America! Someone is out to stop us from fulfilling this mission by murdering people.”

He handed the paper to Happy, who immediately turned to the crossword puzzle.

Lucy looked through her notes. “Technically, it’s the first bridge,” she finally said. “I don’t see how a killer could have done any of that. There was nothing connecting these deaths, other than that they were unlucky for this investigation.”

“Unless some evil wizard did it,” said Erza. “I am inclined to believe that, especially since all problems we ever faced were caused by either evil wizards or Lucy’s father.”

“Hey, that’s… actually correct, now that I think about it,” said Lucy.

“I did some research,” added Erza. “This modus operandi is very peculiar. The people die of random causes, and they do weird things before they start. There are not a lot of people that have this power. Really, there is only one that comes to mind: Kira.”

“Wait a second,” said Natsu, confused. “Are you telling me we will do Death Note spoilers in a Fairy Tail story?”

“Yes. Right through the very end of it. Do you have a problem with that?” Erza shot him her most dangerous glare, and Natsu cowered in fear.

“No, no, of course not! I just thought we should explicitly say that…”

Lucy ignored that silliness. She shook her head in the most decisive manner she could. “Kira is dead,” she said. “That was all a few years ago, and it wasn’t even in Fiore, it was mostly in Japan and a little bit in America. So it can’t be him.”

“Oh, but there were two Kiras,” said Erza. “The girl escaped, don’t you remember? Last thing she did was that famous photo shoot where they made it look like she jumped off a building, and then she was never seen again. And there was something about how anyone could become Kira.”

“Wow, you know a lot about that!” said Natsu. “Did you learn all that on your super-secret mission to Tokyo? By the way, Happy, four across is ‘dragon’.”

He tried to write it in, but Lucy grabbed his pen. “Not every word is ‘dragon’. ‘Dragon’ does not even have an L. Anyway, you were in Tokyo at the time? What did you do there, Erza?”

The red-haired knight began staring into the middle distance, reveling a fond memory. “I went undercover pretending to be a scientist who had returned from America. I met a boy, and we discovered time travel together, and fell in love. But then we had to reverse it all again.”

Suddenly, she stood up and grabbed Lucy’s shoulders. “Promise me on all that is holy to you that you will never, ever, tell anyone from Switzerland about this!”

“Errh… okay…” said the Stellar Mage. She wanted to ask for details, but was cut off by Happy.

“It obviously can’t be Kira, because if it were, it would have to be one of us,” said the cat. “Nobody ever said that Kira can turn invisible, and Kira doesn’t have magic bugs either. So it would have to be one of us. But Kiras have wrinkled noses and weird earrings, and we don’t, so there.”

“You’re thinking of a different Kira…” said Gray. “But other than that… I hate to admit it, but I’ve thought similar things.”

“Mybe… one of us has been replaced by an evil robot doppelgänger?” said Erza. “Kira is supposed to be smart, right, so that would be possible. I hate to think it, but with all the bad luck we’ve been having…”

“There aren’t any robots here. You all smell the way you always have,” said Natsu. “And seriously, what’s up with you? Accusing your friends of being murderers!?”

“Then maybe it’s you!” shouted Happy.

“What? No! Why not Erza? She was in Japan when all this happened, so it would totally fit.”

“Oh no, you’re not pinning this on me! Who do you think you are, anyway? Besides, why has nobody mentioned Gray yet? Isn’t it kind of suspicious how…”

**“Stop it!”** Lucy’s shrill scream pierced the air. There were tears in her big eyes as she looked at all of them. “Please, stop it,” she continued more quietly, pleading. “This is tearing us apart. We’re all friends. We know each other. We will deal with this together. If we start suspecting each other, then we will never find out what happened. Isn’t that exactly what the killer wants? And I just can’t stand loosing your friendship, not after all we’ve been through.”

That hit them in their hearts. All of them nodded and thought back about all the memories they had made: Their first meetings; Erza’s giant horn that seemed to have mysteriously vanished; the time they tried to stop a demon from unfreezing, but they failed and ultimately their help wasn’t needed anyway; the fight against people who later became their friends; the other fight against people who later became their friends; the other other fight against… it was a long list. Natsu even had a little tear in his eye as he spoke.

“You’re right, Lucy. We’re all friends, and we should not suspect each other of—“

“Lucy, what is a Death Note and why do you have one?” asked Happy suddenly. All eyes turned to the blue cat, who was holding a black notebook with some very scraggy letters on the front.

“Huh. Everyone who died is in here” continued the cat. “With how they died, and when, and name. Even those where we never knew the real name. Lucy, are you—“

There was a flash of light and a loud bang. When everyone had adjusted their eyes, Happy was caught inside Horologium. The notebook was in Lucy’s hand. Apparently the starry whip had brought it there. She was smiling.

“Heh,” she said. “Heheh. Hahahaha! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA—“ a coughing fit hit her, as the other stared in horror.

“Damn it. Light could do that way better.”

The rest of the team blinked in unison, so Lucy decided to continue.

“I guess there’s no denying now: I used to be Misa Amane, the second Kira. But all that brought only pain. I came to Fiore to start a new life, with a new name and new friends, and to put that murderous past behind me.” She hung her head. “But it seems that it has caught up with me.”

Finally the others found their voices, and bombarded her with a barrage of “But…”, “How…” and “Why…”, but Lucy stopped them. There was something important that needed to get out first.

“Right, I’ll answer all of your questions. And I want you to know that this doesn’t change anything. Yes, I’ve lied a bit about my past, but you’re still my friends, and I’m still Lucy, no matter who I used to be, okay? But before I start, just a warning: If any of you try anything funny, you die.”

She gave them what she thought was a warm and friendly smile, but to the others, it just looked kind of psychotic. One could almost see how questions began to form in their heads. Was everything she had ever told them a lie? How did she get from Tokyo to here and why? What was the deal with what they thought they knew about her past? Why had she killed these people now? How did she get a hold of a Death Note, when the police had said that Misa Amane no longer had Kira’s ability to kill? How did this match with what they thought they knew of Lucy’s backstory, and how that story had impacted them?

Finally, it was Natsu who managed to speak again first.

“You managed to catch Happy!?”


	2. An Expositional Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy started developing a plan to capture Happy the moment she entered the guild, just in case. Today was the day when she needed it.

“I’ve had an emergency Happy capture plan since basically the moment I joined the guild,“ said Lucy, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Don’t you?”

“No! Of course not! Happy is a friend, why would anyone invent a plan to catch him?“ shouted Natsu. He was outraged, and he knew he had every right to be. “Come on guys, back me up here…”

He looked to Erza and Gray for support, but both deliberately avoided meeting his eye.

“Ice make homing cage. Took ages to perfect, too…“ mumbled Gray. Erza softly said, “Sorry, Natsu, but there was a reason why I bought that bird catcher armor.“ She turned slightly louder as she continued. “But that is not important right now.”

There was a flash, and before anyone knew what happened, Erza was in her thousand-sword armor, purposefully striding towards Lucy. Her expression was the grimmest any of them had ever seen. The stellar mage involuntarily took a step back and tried to hide behind the death note.

“So how does this work?“ said Erza. Her voice was as cold as ice. “You write down the name in the book, maybe cause of death, and then the person dies? There must be some delay between the name and dying, so the book knows you’re done, right?”

Lucy nodded sheepishly. “Forty seconds…”

“Forty seconds…“ said Erza, and grabbed one of the swords that was floating around her. She idly looked at the weapon, as if deciding whether it needed cleaning. “Not a lot. But, hypothetically speaking… more than enough to take revenge on my murderer.”

Lucy started to sweat. This was bad, really bad. But then again, she had been in bad spots before. The most important part was always to ask yourself: What Would Light Do? He had never bothered to train her in the art of making complex plans, but she had picked up a lot from just watching him. She could almost see him before her inner eye, his voice filling her ears…

> “Stop asking me for sex, girl! I’m busy hanging out with L.”

Okay, maybe that wasn’t all that useful.

“Now, I’ll give you one chance to turn yourself in.“ said Erza. It was the most mercy Lucy could expect. They were friends, but Lucy had put a very big question mark on that. Right now friendship only meant that she didn’t have a sword at her throat yet. She had to think fast. Something, anything… The notebook was out, for obvious reasons. Going for the keys at her belt? Erza would certainly not allow it. Lucy looked around the room for a solution. And then she saw it, floating right in front of her.

“Your name… is Erza Czerwony.”

“My… what?“ Erza’s face was still grim, but now a bit of surprise and confusion showed in there. Lucy knew she had an opening. She continued quickly.

“It’s part of the whole deal. Well, kind of an optional part. I can see everyone’s name. The real one. The one your parents gave you, before you were taken from them…”

“You… I… My parents?“ The change was remarkable. Erza dropped the weapon, and almost unconsciously transformed back to her normal armor. All the anger was now gone from her eyes. If anything, it seemed like she had trouble standing.

“I know it isn’t much,“ began Lucy, “but maybe—“

Suddenly, Erza tackled her. For a split-second, Lucy thought about grabbing a key, but then she realized that this wasn’t an assault. The red-haired knight was hugging her. There were tears streaming from Erza’s eyes, and she was smiling wider than she ever had before.

“I don’t know how to thank you! I’ve got my name back! In the tower, they took everything. My family, my name… I have slowly tried to build my own, always wondering about who I was, where I came from, and now you… you gave it back to me, just like that! I don’t know how to thank you!”

She began crying again, and Lucy started crying as well. For the first time, her abilities were really helping people, and not just helping them kill other people. It was a nice change. Not that there was anything wrong with killing people, of course.

After what seemed like an eternity, Erza let go. She looked around sheepishly and retreated a bit.

“Ehm… what about my name?“ asked Natsu carefully. He was worrying about the answer, that much was clear. But he didn’t need to.

“Natsu Dragneel,” replied Lucy, full of confidence. “Igneel was really a father to you, so that’s what it counts as. Same with Happy.”

“Damn straight he was!“ said Natsu, with a big smile. From within Horologium, Happy gave a thumbs-up sign.

That left only one team member, who was looking at her with… really hopeful eyes. Oh god. Lucy knew the answer he wanted to hear. And she also knew that she would have to disappoint him. It wasn’t fair. No child should have to go through this; no man should have his dreams crushed like that. And yet, there it was, the truth, floating right in front of her face.

“I am so sorry, Gray,“ Lucy said. “There is no way around this. Your name… really is Fullbuster.”

“Damn it!“ said the ice mage. “Oh well, it’s not exactly a surprise. Thanks for your honesty, though.”

“Yay, we’re all friends again!“ shouted Natsu. “Let’s get an ice cream to celebrate!”

“Uuuh… but Lucy still killed all this people. That’s what he said,“ said Horologium in his typical disinterested voice, while Happy was gesturing inside.

“Meh, she’s our friend, that’s all that counts!“ replied Natsu, full of glee. Lucy smiled. This single-minded loyalty was always his most admirable trait.

“I agree,“ said Erza solemnly. “Ever since the fight against the Oraçion Séis—the real one, not the filler one—I’ve been thinking that our society is too harsh on psychotic murderers. They’re people too, capable of friendship, of love, of being loved. Just tell me one thing, Lucy…”

She paused for a bit, thinking. When she finally spoke again, it was carefully, as if she had pondered this question for a very, very long time, and was afraid of the answer.

“…is it Gérard or Jellal?”

“Actually, it’s Paul. I don’t think he knows that yet, though.”

“Wait, are we just going to let it go?“ said Gray suddenly, and slammed his fist on the table. “I can’t allow that. Lucy still killed all these people, and she hasn’t yet said ‘I’m sorry’ even once. Instead, she threatened to kill some more. If we just ignore that, then we are all complicit in it. Aren’t we the good guys here?”

It was an impressive tirade, but all of the others were just looking at him with big eyes. Lucy definitely wasn’t going to start all that stress again, and both Natsu and Erza seemed perfectly happy as long as nobody was actively shouting death threats.

“…you know, Lucy, this would have been a great place to say ‘I’m sorry’,” said Gray finally, much more calmly. “Otherwise you’ll mess up my stats."

“Your… stats?"

“Well, yeah. If I meet a hot evil chick, then I battle her and finally turn her back to the good side. I’ve done it four times now. There was this filler chick, Ultear, Juvia, Leon— I guess I could count Meredy, too, because that was Juvia, so by extension…"

Natsu was counting along with his fingers. “Filler Angel, Ultear, Juvia, Leon—wait a second…“ He thought for a moment about what was wrong, until it finally hit him. “You can’t count Angel! That was in a filler, so it never happened!”

“So listen up, Lucy,“ continued Gray, completely ignoring Natsu. “You are my friend, but that won’t mean I’ll go easy on you. Redeeming the second Kira will be my masterpiece!”

“First things first, though,“ said Erza. “Was it really you who killed all these people, and if yes, why?”

“Okay,“ said Lucy. “This is going to be a long story…”

* * *

_It started right after the whole Kira affair had ended. My boyfriend, Light—you know him as the first Kira—had died. His plans had finally grown too big for him. So I was left all alone, and I asked myself: Was it worth it?_

_I had always just followed others. I killed people to please Light, even though he never appreciated it. As an actress, I just said the lines I was given, and I even gave up that job when Light told me to. It wasn’t that I was incompetent; I’m great and making and executing really complicated plans, and I usually don’t even need to kill for them. I was just a bit more sloppy than some of the people I hung out with. But when I was with Light, all that flew out the window and I was just an ornament. Well, I guess he saw me as a liability. In retrospect, he was a total asshole. I can’t believe I spent so much of my life for him._

_So I decided I wanted something else. A job where I would lead, not follow, where I could be the hero that saved the day, and when I worked with others, it would be as real friends and partners, not as their servant. I wanted to be a positive role model for little girls, just like Light is for little boys!_

_The only problem was that I had no real qualification, and that meant my only option was to become a mage. So I taught myself the basics of stellar magic. I’ve always had a knack for getting big ugly super-natural beings to follow me. With that knowlegde, I made my daring escape from Tokyo to Fiore._

_In those days, I was really naïve. I thought I could just go to people and ask them whether they wanted to hire a mage. There was one old woman who said yes. I should have realized that she only did that because I was way cheaper than a guild mage._

_The mission was to get the rats out of her cellar. It turned out those were actually the minions of a giant rat demon that had housed under her floorboards for thousands of years, and I had wakened him. I ran out as fast as I could, fumbling for my pen, with the demons on my heels. It was really embarrassing. My first mission as a mage, and I was already considering killing stuff with the Death Note again, as if nothing had changed. I was ready to give it up right then and there. But then I bumped into **him**._

_His name was Fuyu, and he was a fire mage from Leprechaun Horn. He was about my age, but with way more experience in magic. Really handsome, awesome abs, even though his hair color was kind of weird. Mostly I remember his smile, though. Big, wide, friendly and absolutely genuine. It was friendship at first sight. Together we defeated the rat demon—and in the course of that blew up half the town. Before the police could catch us, though, he dragged me off to his guild._

_The guild was great. They were having a party; I think they always liked that. I got to meet many interesting people, like Fuyu’s bitter rival who was an ice mage, a stoic really strong girl, a flying dog, a girl who had been drowning her daddy issues in alcohol since she was 13… you know, fun people!_

_That night, I went to bed in a room the guild had let me, and I was happier than I had ever been before. These were people who genuinely liked me, and not just my eyes. To celebrate this new chapter of my life, I decided to start a diary. So I took some paper, and I wrote down everything that happened, and everyone I had met._

_…_

_Long story short, I had grabbed the wrong kind of paper._

* * *

It took a few seconds before the others grasped the magnitude of the statement. When it finally hit them, they were all lost for words. 

“Right, so I was like maybe one third done when I heard the first screams, and then I realized my mistake. That was really a problem. It wouldn’t have taken them long to realize that maybe the new girl has something to do with it. So I decided to clean up and disappear.”

Gray looked confused. “So wait, you didn’t kill them all? Because I thought that was where the story was heading. But now there were survivors…”

“No there weren’t. I just said that I cleaned up. Please pay attention, I’m telling the story because you all asked me to.“ said Lucy wearily. Honestly, her friends were great, but sometimes a bit dense.

“Anyway, I needed a cover story, and luckily in the guild they had a copy of Dark Guilds Quarterly. Stahlnagel had a big feature, with pictures of all known members, so I sent them there and ordered them to make it look like a fight had taken place. Ever since then I only had to take care of the few people who came close to knowing something. It was really easy most of the time and—Is something wrong with me, Natsu?”

As she was talking, the fire mage had started looking at her closely, as if he was examining her, trying to find some secret under the skin. And now he had started sniffing around.

He looked up. “I’m just wondering. Wouldn’t that mean you’re way older than seventeen, like us all? Because you totally don’t look older.”

“Don’t be silly. We’re in a manga. Who knows how old any of us actually are? I used to think Erza was in her late twenties until I saw her character page.”

“Yeah, me too,“ said Erza. “That was quite a shock. In fact, I’ve been wondering: Did anyone actually age during that time skip? It was pointed out for some people, but for example Leon and Paul still look and act as if no time had passed at all.”

Gray beamed. “As a matter of fact, I did some research into that. People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually, from a non-linear non-subjective point, it’s more like a big ball of… wibbly-wobbly… timey-wimey… stuff.“ He paused, to let this sink in for a moment. “And I think that’s all Ultear’s fault.”

“I don’t get it,“ said Natsu slowly. “What exactly is a ball again?”

Gray sighed heavily. The detailed explanation for how all the timelines in the world matched up would have to wait for another day. Right now, nobody was paying attention anyway. There was one uncomfortable question that needed to be asked, though.

“Let’s go for the real question here, _Misa_. You lied about your past, and in a big way. You killed people, and not in a past-history-that-I-regret kind of way. I mean, your latest victim was last night—“

“Actually, there was another one this morning,“ mumbled Lucy.

“—this morning then. Are you really still our friend? Were you ever? Aren’t you just a murderer trying to hide here? We sacrificed so much for you, including the entire guild hall when Phantom Lord attacked on orders of your father—but that wasn’t really your father, was it? Just some plan, I guess. Was it all for nothing? Are we just meaningless tools to you?”

“No!“ Lucy was slammed her fist on the table. “You all have to believe me on this. I didn’t tell you my backstory, but I never lied about our friendship. It is the most important thing to me in this world. No matter who I used to be, I am Lucy Heartfilia now, and I am your friend.“

“Yay, friends! …is what he said“ intoned Horologium.

“Now, the whole thing with Phantom Lord, that’s a plan I am still really, really proud of. You see, I had to…“

**“Fus Ro Dah!“**

The shout pierced everything with it’s surprisingly small and girlish voice. Suddenly the entire wall of the room collapsed. For a moment, everything was covered in dust and pieces of rocks. When it had finally settled, the wall was gone, leaving a free view of the countryside. In its place was a familiar figure.

“Oh, I didn’t expect you, Strongest Team-sans! I am very sorry about the wall.“ said Wendy.

* * *

Behind her, Levi and Gajeel appeared. Both looked equally surprised to see Erza’s Kindergarten in the room.

"What the…“ said Levi, as she looked over the room. “You guys!? Why would the spell lead me here?“ She looked at a tiny device she was holding, and then suddenly her face lit up. “Oh, of course. It’s Lucy. Hi, Lu-chan!”

“Uh… Hi, Levi! Not that I’m not glad to see you, but what are you three doing here? And what exactly do you think I am?“ asked Lucy suspiciously. The timing was more than just a bit odd.

“It’s a top-secret mission“ boasted Gajeel proudly. “We’re looking for the second Kira!“

“Right, and we weren’t supposed to tell anyone,“ added Levi. She paused for a moment, uncertain about what to say, but finally just shrugged.

“Ah, what the he… no, sorry, I mean ‘it can’t be helped’. Lately there have been a number of really strange deaths. People suddenly going crazy, or falling off of cliffs. They are all plausible in theory, but kind of odd. And there was an increased number of heart attacks, too. So the justice division of the armed guards hired me as outside help. Gajeel and Wendy went along because…"

The tiny wizard paused, confused. “Actually, why did you?“

Gajeel ignored the comment. “So my girl here had this awesome idea. She looked at how the whole thing with the Death Note worked… oh, sorry, that was secret, too, wasn’t it?“

“Yep, I officially have no idea why I keep you around,“ said Levi with an exhausted look on her face. Then she added something in a low whisper. Lucy was not certain, but it just might have been “during daytime at least“.

“Well, if we revealed that much already, might as well go all the way. I designed a spell to find the second Kira, based on what we know about her, which is really not a lot. The spell has searched the entire countryside, and it found Lucy.“

“Are you saying that Miss Lucy is a Kira?“ asked Wendy. “That cannot be true. Her nose isn’t ruffled at all!“

“Wendy, honey, we talked about the nose thing, right? Anyway, no, the spell was designed to find a girl with blond hair, who has to use special items to do magic, likes to write stuff, and who is great at getting big scary monsters to follow her.“

“Hey!“

“I meant her stellar spirits, Erza.“

“Oh, okay.“

“Sorry to disappoint you“, said Lucy, with what felt like her most insecure smile ever. “None of us is Kira, and I am in particular not Kira at all, nor have I ever been.”

“Relax, Lucy, I wasn’t accusing you,“ said Levi. “Anyway, did you happen to see anything odd? Any unexplained or weird deaths?”

Lucy shook her head. “Absolutely not. There wasn’t a single death that I didn’t expect.”

Erza and Natsu nodded, as did Happy. Even Gray joined it. Of course, why wouldn’t they? It was the honest truth.

“Erm… just a question,“ said Natsu suddenly. “I mean, we all know that none of us is Kira, especially not Lucy here, who is most definitely the least Kira of all of us. But just hypothetically speaking, if she were…”  


All eyes turned to him. Where was he going with this? Did Lucy need another escape plan? Levi didn’t have a name she didn’t know of, so that was right out…

“…or if Kira was here some other way. Did you make Wendy go first so that the cute little girl would get killed first in this case?”

“Err… what?“ Levi began to sweat. “No! We totally… you know…”

“So you didn’t use her as bait? I’m so glad about that!“ said Natsu, smiling widely. “Because if I heard that my friends used another friend of mine as bait, a really tiny adorable dragon-slayer at that, and risked that she died while facing some unstoppable killing-machine, without even telling her…”

“…I have to go right now!“ shouted Levi. She ran away, dragging Gajeel and Wendy behind her, through the still-missing wall.

“Wow, Natsu, that was awesome. I never knew you could make such threats,“ said Lucy.

“Huh? What threat? Wait, do you think they felt threatened by that?”

* * *

“Damn, that was a waste of time. We spend all these days following the spell, and then it ends up just being Blondie. Tough luck, huh?“ said Gajeel. He was hoping to get Levi riled up. She was so damn adorable when she was angry. Normally, it would have worked, too. He had observed her working on spells and runes often enough. But this time, she didn’t bite. Instead, she smiled.

“Oh, this was not a bust. The spell was a lot more complicated than I told you. I’m not sure about the details, but the readings were clear. Kira was definitely in that room. Maybe hiding, or with an invisibility spell, or some sort of illusion.”

“No! No! Not again!“ shouted Wendy suddenly. She went into a shock, and started to sob. “Friends… illusion… everyone leaves… dragons fly away… friends shout ‘Anima’… cats are assassins… guilds are illusions…”

“Damn it, Blue, why did you have to do that?“ shouted Gajeel angrily. “She has more than enough nightmares about this as it is.“ He bent down to hug the tiny dragonslayer. “Shh, it’s okay. We’ll stay with you.”

“I’m so sorry!“ said Levi, distraught. “I wasn’t thinking! Sorry, Wendy!”

* * *

"No,“ said Erza the moment the others got out of earshot. “You cannot kill Levi, Lucy.“

Lucy pouted. “You’re not my mom. I can murder whoever I want to.”

“Uh, could you maybe release Happy now?“ asked Natsu quietly. “I mean, there’s no reason to keep him in.”

“Don’t worry though,“ Lucy continued, having not heard the fire mage at all. “As Light always used to say: _’Killing friends and family is bad style. There’s always someone else you can kill for the same effect.’_ ”

“Errh… that’s good to know, I guess…“ said Erza. She sounded a bit uncertain, as if she wasn’t yet entirely comfortable with the idea of Lucy being a cold-blooded killer. Lucy decided to give it some time.

“You know, I spent a lot of time thinking about what killed Light. Why did Kira ever get caught? I think there are two basic mistakes.”

Natsu was furiously pulling at Horologium’s handle while Happy was pushing from the inside, but it made no difference whatsoever.

“First of all, he never actually tried to prove that he was innocent. He did try to prove that he was clever. God knows to whom. To me, to L, to the universe… I guess it was mostly to himself. Well, guess what: L followed all the clues that Light laid, and he came to the conclusion that Light was not innocent, but really clever. Good job, Light…”

Natsu asked Gray to help him out, but the ice mage was too busy listening to Lucy’s story.

“Second, he never realized that killing your enemies was not the same thing as winning. I mean, he was basically living with L. He knew everything L knew the minute it came in. He could control the investigation in any way he wanted. And so he killed the guy.”

“I can see why", said Natsu, while he was trying to pick Horologium’s lock with a toothpick. “Investigators are horrible. They’re always like ‘Did you blow up that city?’ and you’re always like ‘No it was like that when I came here’ and then they don’t believe you so you have to roast them all with a fireball and run.”

Lucy nodded. “That was what Light thought, too. But it only works to a certain point. If you’re famous enough, then someone else will start looking for you, and you will have no clue who it is or what they’re currently planning. That’s what happened to my Light bunny. He kills off L, and at first I’m all for that, but then some other losers come in, and Light doesn’t know what they know, so in the end they defeat him. I’m not going to make that mistake again.“

“You know, I’d feel a lot better if you said that you wouldn’t kill her because killing is wrong,“ said Gray.

“Right, wrong, those are just words. Like blue and orange!”

She finally noticed what Natsu was up to, and quickly waved her key. Horologium vanished, leaving only Happy behind.

“Don’t worry, everyone,“ she said. “I have a different plan…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are many important challenges with such a story. Perhaps most importantly: Trying not to write “Lisa“ as the main character’s name.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my sister Septdeneuf for helping me figure out the overall approach to the story. Also thanks to AO3 staff for allowing Blockquote and H1 tags in stories. That's a huge advantage over FF.net right there.


End file.
